Kevin Cockle and the Three Wise Tortoises

Once upon a time there was a vast boy called Kevin Cockle. He was on the way to see his Suzanne Khan, when he decided to take a short cut through Wyre Forest.

It wasn't long before Kevin got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, George, but George was nowhere to be found! Kevin began to panic. He felt sure he had packed George. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a wise tortoise dressed in a blue coat disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Kevin.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed tortoise. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Kevin reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from aubergines, a house made from jelly babies, a house made from cupcakes and a house made from jelly babies.

Kevin could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Kevin looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Kevin a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was George!

"George!" shouted Kevin. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give George back!" cried Kevin.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let George out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three wise tortoises rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Kevin recognised the one in the blue coat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Tortoise," said the witch.

"Good morning." The tortoise noticed George. "Who is this?"

"That's George," explained the witch.

"Ooh! George would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the tortoise.

The witch shook her head. "George is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Kevin interrupted. "George lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Tortoise ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Tortoise looked at the house made from jelly babies and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from jelly babies if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next tortoise. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have George."

Kevin watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give George to Big Tortoise. He didn't think George would like living with a wise tortoise, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other two tortoises watched while Big Tortoise put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Tortoise. "Just you watch!"

Big Tortoise pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from jelly babies. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Tortoise started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of jelly babies, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Tortoise.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Tortoise never finished eating the front door made from jelly babies and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Tortoise. "Just you watch!"

Average Tortoise pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cupcakes. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Tortoise started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a tortoise!" said Average Tortoise.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Tortoise, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the tortoise away under his arm.

Average Tortoise never finished eating the front door made from cupcakes and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Tortoise. "Just you watch!"

Little Tortoise pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from jelly babies. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Tortoise started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating jelly babies for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Tortoise into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Tortoise. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Tortoise was never seen again.

Little Tortoise never finished eating the front door made from jelly babies and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep George."

"Not so fast," said Kevin. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from aubergines. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the tortoises. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Kevin.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted George back."

Kevin ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from aubergines and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Kevin sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Kevin. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Kevin's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from aubergines. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Kevin was down to the final piece of the door made from aubergines. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Kevin had eaten the entire front door of the house made from aubergines.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over George or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Kevin hurried over and grabbed George, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, George was unharmed.

Kevin thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Suzanne. It was starting to get dark.

When Kevin got to Suzanne's house, his threw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Suzanne. "You are very late."

As Kevin described his day, he could tell that Suzanne didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Suzanne.

Kevin unwrapped a doorknob made from jelly babies. "Pudding!" he said.

Suzanne almost fell off her chair.

The End